Continuing the theme for this Christmas season, here are some Die Hard Christmas tree ideas.
In case the Tweet isn’t visible, here is the image again.
The tree topper does not appear to be for sale anywhere. I will update this post if I find a store selling it. But you could make your own ornaments for the tree. Ornaments like this do-it-yourself job.
Not to mention buying other ornaments for the tree.
If you aren’t into new-fangled art pieces, there is always the more traditional ball ornaments.
I haven’t found any light strings that spell out yippee ki-yay motherfucker yet. But I bet if I look long enough, I’ll find some. I found all that other stuff just looking for the tree topper.
The Wife suggests that the perfect Die Hard Christmas tree would be a topiary sculpture in the shape of the Nakatomi building. It should have a garland that looks like a small firehose starting from the top that turns into the “Merry Christmas” wrapping tape seen in the movie, about halfway down the tree. The topper, in her opinion, should be a helicopter that circles the top of the tree/tower, occasionally exploding in colored lights along with the top of the tree. John McClane should be seen occasionally sliding down the garland and into the tree, as well as a couple of different figures falling from the tree every now and then, just to complete the entire spectacle. Sgt. Al Powell can drive backward around the bottom of the tree in his police car, with one of the fallen figures on his hood, while he eats a twinkie. I look forward to seeing some artist creating this display at some Christmas in the future.
I can’t like this. I can’t love it or laugh at it, because it is probably the end of the UK. I don’t want to cry, because they’ve made the bed they now have to lie in. Ambivalence. There is no emoji for ambivalence. What I really want to know is, why don’t the Liberal-Democrats invade Labor and take it over from inside? The real problem in the UK is plurality voting and more than two choices on the ticket. It is a math problem.
But the pessimistic take on Brexit is that once Britain leaves the European Union, it becomes less of an attractive proposition for foreign companies to base their factories and their businesses. And so in order to keep foreign investors coming into Britain and in order to attract new ones, the government is going to have to slash regulations, make it even easier to hire and fire people, and in the process, make it easier to set up a warehouse like Sports Direct. And so there is a scenario in which post-Brexit Britain looks a lot more like Shirebrook in 2019 rather than less like it.
Every now and then I hit on an episode of Decoder Ring that hits me back. This episode was one of those.
Nick Spark fell down a rabbit hole tracking down the origins of Murphy’s law, the ubiquitous phrase that says, “If it can go wrong, it will go wrong.” On this episode of Decoder Ring, we follow spark on his journey while taking a few detours of our own to find out how Murphy’s law was (maybe) born out of the rocket sled experiments of the dawning jet age. We talk to Spark, hear some of the recordings he collected during his own research, and speak to researchers who are skeptical of Nick’s hypothesis, all to try to find out how an obscure engineering aphorism spread to become a world-conquering philosophical observation. Some of the voices in this episode include Nick Spark, Craig Ryan (author of Sonic Wind, a biography of John Paul Stapp), George Nichols, David Hill Sr., Fred Shapiro, and Stephen Goranson.
I just happen to still have the poster that hung in my bedroom for most of my teenage years. here’s a picture of it.
Yes, this actually hung on my wall right next to the poster of Christy Brinkley. I was a weird child, I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before. Murphy was an optimist, as the poster itself notes. Having said that, it would be in keeping with Murphy’s law that trying to prove the origin of the law would inevitably end up down a blind alley somewhere. Having not planned to avoid this failure in advance, the failure occurs. Murphy remains a mystery.
Stephen Follows ran the numbers through his three distinct perspectives for considering movies; Creative, Commercial, Cultural. He selected specific datasets for all three perspectives in order to determine if Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not. I, as a lowly movie watcher, defer to his expertise on this subject. Here is a link to his article.
For those of you who cannot be bothered to read a few pages of text with some interesting graphs mixed into them in order to liven up the number crunching, I’ll give you a tl;dr quote from the conclusion.
[I]t’s certainly fair to say that Die Hard is regarded as a Christmas movie in popular culture. Like it or not, the association between Die Hard and Christmas is fast increasing and in years to come its Christmassyness will be beyond question.
Hat/tip to The Wife for the link to this article. When I mentioned I was doing a series of pieces on our Lord John McClane, she insisted I had to read Stephen’s article and include it in the series. I will be relying on his three perspectives consciously in the future when I review films, as I have been known to do. I was already taking the three of them into account when I wrote reviews or mused on the impact of various films, but I had never given the perspectives names before.
Hat/Tip to Merbrat for all but the first image. I used to refer to her as a stoic (specifically an email stoic) when I mentioned her on the blog because I thought it was a funny joke to label someone as effusive and outgoing as she is with a philosophy marked by asceticism and reserve. I’m not sure why I thought it was a funny joke back then, but I did. What can I say? I have a weird sense of humor. The first image was added later after I stumbled across the nakatomistrong hashtag and followed it to his wall.
I’m in a sleep study tonight. I’m fighting with the mask because it’s making the fart noise. CPAP users will know what I’m talking about. I remembered that I’ve been doing this a lot lately. Fighting with the mask causes me to roll over. Back and forth. I think to myself it’s all in how you hold your mouth.
That explains everything. Everything that doesn’t want to work in life even though it should. It’s all in how you hold your mouth. Miskeys. Plotting errors. Gaming errors. Automobile maintenance. Using any kind of mechanical device.
It’s all in how you hold your mouth.
Man I could use a drink right now I think. My mouth is as dry as a bone. My tongue feels like sandpaper on the roof of my dry mouth. I can’t have a drink though, because my CPAP mask is on.
Oh right. Nasal mask. The nurse asked me if I wanted to change masks before I started this night of sleep testing. Maybe I should try a nasal mask. Then how I hold my mouth may not be that much of a problem anymore. At least, when it comes to sleeping with my CPAP mask on it won’t be. When I’m button-mashing while playing a video game, it’s still going to be important. I have chin straps for making sure the mouth is closed when I’m wearing the mask. I don’t need to have the mouth covered with the mask.
All conversations are uncomfortable for me. I think this is why I don’t find most comedy sketches funny. The comic part of the sketch is nearly always somebody getting something wrong, and then the awkwardness of maneuvering around that misunderstanding. Like the dog turd in the middle of the living room floor that everyone is too afraid to mention. This sketch structure is basically every single episode of Three’s Company, a show I was forced to watch with the family, all of whom found it uproariously funny. There were other shows back in the day, back when entertainment was three broadcast channels or a trip to the library. Any number of situation comedies that weren’t funny because they made fun of awkwardness directly, and so I didn’t watch them. Between Two Ferns is the latest awkward thing that isn’t funny to me. Not funny because that is every single conversation I’ve ever been a part of, for my entire life.
Not until The Big Bang Theory did I find a show that was both awkward and humorous, mostly because it made fun of normal people (represented in the person of Penny) people who just can’t grasp the truly geeky nature of the wonder of science. Every episode of the show is immensely funny for me. The geekier the better. Awkward is what Leonard Hofstadter is all the time, and it works. It gives me hope as well as makes me laugh.
The one exception to this situation, the one time conversation isn’t awkward for me, is when I’m talking alone with the Wife. I know she will be straight with me, and I with her. I don’t have to wonder about what is the right thing to say? I just say what is on my mind, and she does the same thing. No other conversations are absent the discomfort of awkwardness. How can something that is always present be funny? I wonder how many comics are tormented by this, only worse? Having to do the same schtick over and over and you hate it? I’m just being me, and it isn’t funny being me. It’s just being me.
The Between Two Ferns movie is out now. I will be as far away from that movie as I can get from this point onward. I hope that Zach Galifianakis makes a boatload of money from the movie so that he can finally stop doing the shtick and find something else to do that he really enjoys.
Trae (can I call you Trae?) You are hanging around in the wrong circles online. That’s what I get from this. It’s funny, so I know why you went there. However, anyone pissing about Ellen saying she sat next to Bush at a football game is an idiot. That is their overriding mental makeup, not that they claim to be liberal (which they demonstrably aren’t. Liberal means listening to all arguments without judgement. You don’t have to accept them, you just have to hear the speaker out once.) That’s my response. Maybe it’s because I block reactionary dickheads like you are describing, no matter which side of the isle they are on, on every platform I spend any time on. Outrage influencers are the lowest scum of the earth. Way, way below war criminals on the value meter. They can’t be reasoned with, no matter who they are outraged at.
…I’m just thankful that I don’t have to read and/or listen to their shit. If only the Orange Hate-Monkey were that easy to ignore. What’s that? I can’t be liberal if I’m ignoring their arguments? When they make different arguments I’ll give them a second chance. If they can get my attention.